And Now For Something Completely Different

“Uh, Dawn?”

“What am I looking at?”

“Electromagnetics are all wonky, image is out. Describe it.”

“Um…it’s a giant…cloud…jellyfish.”

Dawn looked at the two’s location. More or less near what had been Pearblossom, Los Angeles County, before…things. Even with the intense alterations, that didn’t…

…wait.

“Uh…all flared out like a giant sail?” Dawn said.

“Yeah I guess.”

“A waving green mass of what looks like concentrated streamers all intensely held together at the front?” Dawn said.

“Yes…”

“Ah bloody hell.” Dawn didn’t have to ask the follow up question: is it coming right at you? The answer to that was ‘yes’, because if Beckett could accurately assess what he was looking at, that meant he was looking intensely at it.

And it HATED being looked at and saw it as a direct, hostile challenge. Which it only knew one way to react to if the target was the size of Beckett.

“Beckett, jam that new sword of yours into the ground and seal it there, and then hold on.”

“Is that-?”

“NOW!”

Vrock could hear the whole conversation (it was a ‘group call’), but the fact that Dawn had only given BECKETT instructions did briefly confuse her. She looked at her travelling companion as he rammed his thin rainbow blade into the dirt and twisted it, a brilliant light turning the blade into a near immovable rod. Why would she-?

Then the massive vacuum vortex engulfed the two.

Beckett, despite his best efforts, had his feet yanked out from under him, only his mild superhuman strength saving him from losing it and being carried away like Vrock. Vrock instinctively tried to activate wings she no longer had, and when that realization hit her she was already in a spin.

Then she felt the wet crushing close around her, as she was sucked into SOMETHING that sure felt organic, being carried along via muscle…no, not muscle. Vrock was not knowledgeable enough in biology to recognize what would be categorized as “intestinal villus’. She could see, somehow, there was some faint innate internal bio-illumination, she was in some giant orange crushing mass and she was being slimed by some kind of stringy gunk…

“Vrock?” Dawn’s voice in her earpiece. “Yes, sorry about this. I was kind of put on the spot for the best solution. You’re in its stomach. Beckett would have handled it worse. Despite that, it’s fragile.

“Cut your way out.”

“Wh- Oh, for- Aaaagh!” Vrock spluttered, both disgusted and a little horrified at the possibility of being eaten. Even though she was armored as ever and spared some of the more extreme parts due to her nature, being in anything’s gullet wasn’t a place she wanted to stay. Her sword was still in her grip, and she wriggled to put it along her front before pressing down hard on the blade. Something splattered in her face, and she redoubled her efforts, trying to put her back into slicing through what was in front of her.

“No matter what happens next- Dawn, don’t tell Oona about this!” Vrock said, mostly to take her mind off the peril. Even with her great strength, it was a struggle to hold her position, much less stab and then shear. Part of her wondered what would happen if she was further drawn in to be digested and that lent her a little of a frenzy to avoid just that, putting her back into jamming her sword even further beyond her person.

Knowing she wouldn’t be safe until she saw daylight again, her ground in nature intending to take out the beast, Vrock heaved and drew her sword back as much as she could so she could stab forward again.

Which was when just how ‘fragile’ the creature was became apparent, as with that last stab Vrock ended up propelling herself through most of it and essentially popped it like a balloon.

Unfortunately, that meant that the creature’s flesh also semi-collapsed onto her as its flying ability was shut off. Vrock found herself being smacked into the ground, buried under a mess of what felt like a cross between skin and pudding. The weight probably would have been dangerous for Beckett, but it was more ‘incredibly gross and annoying’ to her.

And she still couldn’t see daylight, so she shoved herself as vertical as she could and kept cutting.

Three minutes of hacking later, Beckett met her ‘in the middle’, or more about 1/6th of the way in. One pair of gripped hands and Beckett was able to yank her out of the collapsed corpse mass, albeit utterly covered in blood, fluids, slime, and string.

She never would meet the people who had invented the ‘cleaning charms’ of Weav, but she’d probably be tempted to swear herself to their service when Beckett produced one after they had moved away, all of the mess drawn into a big wad of guck that immediately had the water expelled and collected, purified and fine for drinking, leaving a dry clump that broke on the ground next to her.

“...THAT was Occulonimbus edoequus. I was not expecting that species to be there. But, considering you’re in California, or what WAS California…well, no wonder it went for you two. You probably were the cleanest meal it had seen in years.” Dawn said, back in the ‘group call’.

“Why the hell did Vrock have to get eaten while I stayed behind?”

“Because she was, per my assessment, much more indigestible."

“...don’t do that, Dawn. I don’t want to play ‘I will not listen to the woman who decides on such cold methods.’”

“I am fairly sure Vrock prefers the idea that you weren’t at risk of being crushed and digested. What with Vrock being literally four times stronger than you unless you’re flooding yourself with Stream energy and all.”

“...my point stands.”

“Don’t… Don’t misunderstand me, if someone must be eaten I would rather it be me- I do go down much rougher than most-” Vrock started, not able to keep from checking herself for errant bits of slime or gore. Finding none, she relaxed a little and poked at the dry clump with the toe of her boot. “-but, next time, gods forbid a next time, give me a little warning first. That was an experience I’d rather not have again. Blech!”

“I would prefer to take the risk on myself, but… Well, time was of the essence. Let’s just chalk this one up to the right tool for the job.” She said, able to smile at least. It had been terrifying in it’s own right, but everything turning out alright went a long way to calming her down. “Are you alright, Beckett? I may have gotten a much closer look, but it was still awfully big. What even was that thing? Some sort of irradiated Jellyfish?” She asked, turning to look at the collapsed heap of rubbery, wet skin that was the remains.

“No. It’s actually a natural evolution. One of those animals so very rarely seen and understood. I wasn’t expecting it here. Numerous worlds have sky ecosystems, sometimes that ecosystem just ends up down to one survivor. And consider your feelings, Beckett, I’ll hold off telling you what its name translates to.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ll probably get offended for no reason.”

“Try me.”

“A direct translation is ‘hidden dark cloud stallion-eater’. More simply? Horse-eating eye cloud.”

“...are you calling Vrock a darn horse?!”

“That is exactly what I was talking about.”

“So you ARE calling her a horse!”

“Vrock, smack him upside the head until he sees sense, could you?”

“Neigh, neigh, no need.” Vrock laughed, putting her hands on her hips. “I suppose it got confused, what with me being a norse of a different color. I couldn’t imagine- Well, there are lots of things I hadn’t expected to see here, and that was another example. A cloud beast big enough to snatch horses with its breath, that’s one to remember. Maybe without some of the, er, finer details, but still.” She pointed out, not able to keep from one last once-over to make sure there weren’t any traces of slime or gristle on her.

“Let’s not make this the always-done thing, though. Next time, I’d rather stick in a mouth instead of a throat. Being close to getting eaten is still a little too close for me, even if I had my rathers.” She played up her shudder this time, before smiling again. As with most cases, after any battle she felt free and clear since she was still standing.

“I’d best warn Zyxyx. I think she’d be incredibly confused.”

“I think everything on this world confuses her.”

—

“It’s dead in all ways, but it’s not! It walks about, yet its blood does not pump! How can such a thing still sense, still think? Its hide festers off, yet it is unbothered! It speaks, when its lungs should be shrunken sacks! Radiation destroys cells! It cannot induce such changes! HOW DOES ANY OF THIS WORK?”

“Don’t ask me, I just work here.” The undead irradiated human said, and then offered a cigarette.