A Prelude: Wake

Two days after a very bad night in a small Texas town...

Sine had experienced more than a few cleaning methods. Being coated in a special gel that literally peeled off you with all the dirt. High grade scourge-type lasers that left you feeling like a saltine cracker. Special cleaning 'animals' that had made Sine mighty nervous. But in truth, nothing beat a good shower.

"Do do do..." Sine hummed, pacing out into her small house on the small pocket of existence that was the closest thing she had to a home. She took a moment to put some bread in her custom toaster, and the custom part kicked in as the Ipod-like device attached to it cued up a random song. Sine got out her hair dryer and turned it on, the heating waves drying out her hair as the song began.

"...hey kids, rock and roll. That's how I lost control. Hey kids, go get high. I can't remember why..." Sine sang quietly along, juggling her hair drying mechanism with some eggs that she cracked into a pan, taking a moment to turn on the burner on her small stove. "Up all night, I waste my time...I am fine, but a day behind...up all night being stupid and happy but the days are overlapping...my days are overlapping..."

Sine, with her hair dried, got out a fork to beat her eggs to scramble properly in the pan (her preferred method), but the fork ended up being used as a makeshift microphone first.

"I'D START A REVOLUTION! IF I COULD GET UP IN THE MORNING! I'D START A REVOLUTION! IF I COULD GET UP, GET UP! START A REVOLUTION! START A REVOLUTION! IF I COULD GET UP, GET UP! START A REVOLUTION! START A REVOLUTION! IF I COULD GET UP IN THE MORNING!" Sine sang loudly, nearly jumping up on a chair before she got ahold of herself and used the fork the way it was supposed to be used, humming along to the rest of the song. Her toast popped up halfway through, and Sine turned the burner heat down in order to apply butter and cherry jam to the bread before she finished cooking her eggs. Scooping it onto a plate, Sine put her toast on the side and sat at her table, picking up what some people might try to conventionally describe as a tablet to check on her work listings and confirm some payments.

The fact that she was connected to the Cloud brought the less pleasant memories swimming back to the forefront. She had thought about things, but she still didn't have any answers, nor anything to really salve her worries. Still, she'd really left Zephyrus in the lurch, and based on how they'd interacted when trying to deal with that damned thing, she couldn't count on his newly developed sentience and humanity making it a cinch to make her easy to forgive. He was right; she'd blown it on the keeping in touch front. If Sine had any answers, she'd have gotten to work immediately on that problem.

Then again, just sitting around hoping the problem would go away never worked either. She might as well start something, no matter how small...she could unjam her Sifter signal, maybe. Call Zephyrus, have a proper talk...no, that seemed like it would go to the dangerous issues too quickly. Maybe she could organize a lunch...she'd have to see if there was any new Zoofights information...and oh yeah, didn't Zephyrus say Jonesy had a blog? Maybe THAT would be a good small first step. Now how hard could it be to find that blog...

...

As it turned out, it wasn't the trip down that was hard. It was the landing.

-----

"You fucking COWARD. At least the Lord didn't pretend he wasn't using people. You're a manipulative cowardly bitch..."

"You coldhearted, self-centered forevercursed parasite. If you EVER come into my life again, pray to whatever god is willing to aid someone like you for mercy, because I will have none...."

"BUT I'M MORE OF A MOTHERFUCKING HUMAN BEING THAN YOU'LL EVER BE." 

"Ahahaha oh god yes it's so beautiful...Yo Sine, I call dibs on your stuff when Jonesy punches your face off..."

If there was one thing David wasn't going to get, it was Sine's pseudo-tablet. Because it was after reading that line that the young woman finally snapped the computer completely in half from the seething rage that had begun boiling three minutes beforehand and had finally hit pressure cooker status.

"...WHAT...THE...FUCK DID YOU TELL THEM ZEPHYRUS?!?!!!!" Sine snarled, before she got up and hurled the wrecked computer across the room, before she began to pace frantically, her breakfast forgotten. The woman was not replicating the cartoon-back-and-forthing that indicated a bad question, because Sine knew exactly what Zephyrus had told them. Or rather, what he'd told them through the filter of acceptable, deserved anger...

Which is your fault.

But he'd gotten all wrong...it wasn't like she'd said goodbye! Or that she didn't want to see him any more! She'd said she'd wanted to think!

You also said he didn't know you at all. After all he went through to save your life and sanity. After you didn't contact him at all for three months.

But...she HAD to think! She couldn't do that with Zephyrus there, not properly! He was a wonderful guy, but he was also so young, so optimistic...he'd influence her thinking, calm her fears, but this situation NEEDED those fears, in proper doses. If she'd gone with him to see Annie she'd have concluded everything would be fine and then one day something might have come along to hurt them again and who knew if Sarah or her mother was going to be around again to serve as a walking pair of DEM's to pull people away from the brink and it would be her fault because she was the one who had to make the tough decisions and she'd chosen the path of least resistance and she'd SAID she wasn't ignoring or dismissing him yeah he could get angry but what the hell did he SAY?

The truth.

No...no. She hadn't used him as bait, that insinuated that's why she had called him to begin with, she'd called him to watch her back, and yeah she'd made a scummy tactical decision and hadn't told him but tactics were not an emotional, personal thing they were a cold, logical thing and it had come to her on the spot and she'd acted on it before she started to second-guess herself because she hated to second-guess herself and he hadn't nearly DIED he'd gotten his chassis banged up a bit the damned thing might not have even been able to really damage him and what damage was done could be easily buffed out it was nowhere CLOSE to dying and she hadn't stolen the flamethrower she'd borrowed it if she'd just used the gun Zephyrus would have taken even more damage and she hadn't RUN AWAY she had needed to THINK was that really so hard to UNDERSTAND...

Then explain the no contact.

"I TOLD him! I was catching up on my orders! Making a buffer! For crying out loud, HE didn't call me either! It's not like I ignored him!"

That's precisely what you did. To all of them. The second the anchors were removed, you went right back to what you knew. The constant changes, the constant new experiences, never the same thing twice or a set schedule. You went right back into that safe little bubble of constant new sensation, because you think if you slow down and take a look you'll realize you never went anywhere at all. You're still that sad little girl who already had her life lived for her several times thinking that everything you do or earn means nothing, because it's not YOU, it's Sine Gallant, or Sine Voss, or Sine Thorsil, and you're just repeating the steps they took. That's why you ran away. Because if you slowly cut them out, then you can have that comforting little doubt that whatever effect you had on them was yours and not someone else's. It's why you never stop running. Because you so dearly want to run away from yourself.

"And what do they think of Sine X. Cosine then? HUH? HUH?! Zephyrus, yeah, I get that, Annie...fuck, Annie...but what the FUCK IS THIS?!" Sine yelled, gesturing at her broken computer. "Who the fuck do they think they are? They think they understand me? That they can just dismiss me and pile on the scorn? They reserve the right to judgment? WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY? The fucking drug addict, those fucking GENOCIDAL MONSTERS? THEY JUDGE ME? FUCK! THEM!"

That's it. Deflect. Change the subject. Self-justify. Their echo chamber might magnify issues that could otherwise be settled, but you're all by yourself and just have to answer to yourself. No wonder Jaxx is so gleeful, and so easily believed that you delivered a bomb to commit mass murder. You're so afraid that you're wearing a mask that you slap on any one you think will best help you. The end result is the same. You have no face. And you have no ability to face things.

Sine stopped stalking around, turning to look at a mirror that stood against one of her walls.

"Who the fuck are you?"

Oh really, Sine...this? You wanna go that way? You wanna try and seek out some fragment of the Lord, some other scapegoat for your issues, claim that's what's going on? Even if they buy it, what's going to happen when you relapse again? What's going to happen when they're right again? I'm you, Sine. Just you. Go ahead and run, you can't outrun me...

The mirror shattered as Sine punched it, her image fragmenting into a hundred chaotic shards. A hundred faces, all hers, none hers.

"...fuck them. No. Fuck them all. If all it takes is a little time apart and one misconstrued incident to bring this up...fuck all of them." Sine raged, stalking over to where her Sifter lay. "You hate me Jonesy? Fuck you, you're a fucking know-nothing jarhead who wouldn't know hate if it reared up and bit you. You still afraid I'll steal your man? I don't have to, you'll drive him away yourself. I know your kind, Jonesy. I know all their kinds, and I don't need their shit..."

Sine snatched the Sifter up and began typing.

ALL ZOOFIGHTS COORDINATES SELECTED. PLEASE SELECT OPTION.

EXPUNGE.

WARNING. COORDINATES WILL BE COMPLETELY REMOVED FROM SYSTEM. DATA WILL BE IRRETRIEVABLE. ODDS OF RE-LOCATING DIMENSION FAR LESS THAN ONE PERCENT. PROCEED?

YES.
 
THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING. ALL DATA WILL BE IRRETRIEVABLE. PROCEED?

Sine dramatically raised her finger. Her penchant for spectacle probably saved her, as she stopped three quarters of the way down.

Des. She'd be completely abandoned too. She hadn't 'turned' on her...

Had any of them? People did stupid things when they were angry, let alone when they were justifiably angry. Look at what she was doing, and she probably had a lot less right to rage than Zephyrus and Pech and Doomrider did. Hell, look at Widow Maker, trying to be reasonable, wouldn't that genre-savvy bug know what she was talking about?

Wasn't she just proving them right, doing this?

...but what the fuck was this shit? All this vile, this venom? Didn't any of them realize that she'd never meant to hurt anyone? That she was just a normal girl, with her own problems, quite capable of making mistakes? No, of course they didn't, she did everything she could to wave how special and precious she was in their faces...

To thine own self be true...

COORDINATE EXPUNGING CANCELLED.

PROCESS SET ON REMINDER. THE ACTION OF EXPUNGING SET COORDINATES WILL BE PRESENTED AT THE FUTURE UNTIL TAKEN OR OTHERWISE COMPLETELY CANCELLED.

"...damn it all." Sine said, turning around. She couldn't deal with this. She wasn't go to run off and beg forgiveness, not after what they'd said. Shit...what COULD she do? Even if she tried, who knows what Oceanus and Pech and Doomrider might do? They'd assumed the worst so easily, spoken so freely, okay maybe it was understandable considering their own past experiences but it didn't make it right and that didn't salve the hurt at all...

...she had to work. She had to get this out of her head. She...

You have to run.

Sine felt the same coldness that had laid a hand on her shoulder and guided her away from Zephyrus for the greater good. This time, it wrapped around her heart, soothing the painful heat there. This wasn't her fault. Correction: it wasn't her COMPLETE fault, and they wanted to act like it was. Fine.

She'd live with it.

She knew a lot about living.

CORNWIND EVIL PRESENTS...

A SINE X. COSINE RP STORY...

"I'm the monster, I'm the creature
That makes you keep this from me
I'm the master of disaster, yeah
I'm the one who, can't be trusted
My intentions questioned daily
Fighting over the story sold here, yeah..."

Sine's suit had recently been given a name: Tribulation. It seemed like something long overdue, and far too fitting, as Sine slid the outfit's container out from under her bed, having donned her undergarmets first. The pants went on first, then the top, the outfits merged to become a one piece garment. The boots went on next, then the gloves. Finally, the cloak...bearing the twisting whirlwind. Sine glanced back for several seconds, and then pressed a few buttons on her belt. The tornado vanished.

"Hey, I just don't know what to say
When I got this fingertip stuck in my face
Black or white, had enough of the game
Turn my back, now watch me walk away...
Walk away...Walk away...
I am not your cover, I want this over..."

Her kinetic orb system, the gauntlets locking onto her wrist. Several spare packs of ammo. Her blade, Fantomas, that had been used to fight dragons (twice) and machines and lunatics...and someone else...

"You're the artist, paint the picture
On display for the world to see
A regular Leonardo Da Vinci
You're the writer, write the poem
If it rhymes then it certainly must be true
Who am I to question your authority, yeah..."

The sword went into its sheath underneath her cloak. Its brother blade, Tloque Nahuaque, which dearly needed a new name considering who'd constructed it and what he'd done to her...friends...and maybe there'd been more to the reason than convenience for why he'd selected her and Sine shoved those thoughts into a dark, dark box and threw away the key, joined it. She was loading up heavier on the weapons than usual, but unlike most times she was dearly hoping for some trouble to find her this time. After all, she was destined to be a magnet for it, wasn't she?

"Hey, I just don't know what to say
When I got this fingertip stuck in my face
Black or white, had enough of the game
Turn my back, now watch me walk away...
Walk away...walk away...
I am not your cover, I want this over..."

Her helmet. What had hidden her gender during the start of last year's Zoofights, and behind which the problems of Sine X. Cosine, Bargoer and Many More Things, vanished. Now she was just Sine X. Cosine, delivery girl. It was what she was before, perhaps it was all that was needed to be...but for certain it was was she needed NOW...

"While I fall through the crack, you shove me
You shove me and I scream for my life
While you kill me and disown me
I am not your cover, I want this over..."

Finally, her Sifter. The compensation for her blessursed existence. The machine that put reality at her fingertips, gave her the chance to have the experience of a thousand lifetimes, let her go anywhere, sometimes anywhen, let her be anyone...

The eggs and toast had been forgotten. They would never be eaten, as Sine went out the door. She wasn't hungry any more. She tapped a few buttons, wondering where to go...

...anywhere but here.

Anywhere but there.

The blood began to flow, highly tested and experienced muscles contracting around bones. Her pace sped up, the first and greatest survival mechanism of homo sapiens enveloping her. The realm of fear, of champions, of heroism and cowardice, of discovery and damnation, of forwards and backwards...

Her.

VROP.

"RUN"

 "Hey, I just don't know what to say
When I got this fingertip stuck in my face
Black or white, had enough of the game
Turn my back, now watch me run away...
Run away...run away
I am not your cover, I want this over..."

----

"...Cloud Runner, the disturbance is back! It's pretty!"